


The One Where Clint Barton's Life Is Suddenly A Romantic Comedy

by respoftw



Series: Tumblr Prompts - Hawksilver edition [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Christmas, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-06
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-03-29 08:27:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3889411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/respoftw/pseuds/respoftw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You should invite your boyfriend here for Christmas.”</p><p>Clint mentally cringes.  Of course Laura had to go and blurt that out in front of Natasha.  It’s times like these that make Clint remember why she was his ex-wife. </p><p>She doesn’t know Nat well enough to read the look of disbelief and exasperation on her face but Clint can already tell what’s coming.</p><p>*UPDATED 06th September 2015: Second chapter added*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> From the following prompt on my tumblr:
> 
> fuckyeahdanneelackles said to pietrolovesclint
> 
> Hi, can I summit a prompt? I love fake relationship aus so possibly one of those?
> 
> (Apologies for posting a story set at Christmas in MAY! It's not super Christmassy - safe for Grinches, I promise!)

“You should invite your boyfriend here for Christmas.”

Clint mentally cringes.  Of course Laura had to go and blurt that out in front of Natasha.  It’s times like these that make Clint remember why she was his _ex_ -wife.

She doesn’t know Nat well enough to read the look of disbelief and exasperation on her face but Clint can already tell what’s coming.

“ _Yeah, Clint_ , you should invite him.  Introduce him to the kids.”

Clint glares at Natasha while Laura’s back is turned.  She knows full well that Clint doesn’t have a boyfriend.  It’s just something that he had said to Laura to get her off his back.

They’d divorced two years ago and Laura still worried about him.  She was constantly haranguing him and trying to set him up on blind dates so the last time she’d started to pester him, he might have lied and said he was seeing someone.

“See, honey?  Nat agrees.  You can invite his sister too, Wendy? I know you said Pietro was close with her.”

Even Laura noticed Nat’s reaction this time as she spit out the mouthful of coffee she had just taken at hearing Pietro’s name.

See, here’s the thing.  Laura knows Clint.  She knows that he doesn’t go out looking for love so when he made up a pretend boyfriend he might have implied that it was a member of the team without really thinking it through.

Rhodey was an old friend and as straight as they come.  Sam was happily together with Maria.  Steve and Bucky had reunited.  Thor was with Jane.  Tony had Pepper.  And Vision?  Yeah, Clint was open minded but he draws the line at robots.  So that just left the pain in the ass that was Pietro Maximoff.

Their pretend relationship had been going strong for the past eight months.  Pietro was an incredible pretend boyfriend.  Clint admits that he might have gotten carried away during his conversations with Laura.  Pretend Pietro was loving and sexy and loyal and funny and great with kids and looking to settle down.  Pretend Pietro would absolutely be someone who he would invite to spend Christmas with his family.

Real Pietro though?  Yeah, Clint was screwed.

With Natasha backing her up, Clint wasn’t able to talk his way out of it.  Which explains why he is standing in front of Pietro’s room, trying desperately to think of a way to get the kid to agree to this.

His knock is answered with a gruff “What the hell do you want?”

Clint rolls his eyes.  Is that seriously the way the kid talks to everyone on base?  Even Cap?

“Uh, I have a favour to ask.  Can I come in?”  Clint figures that he may as well try to be polite.

Wanda opens the door with a smile that Clint can’t help but return. 

“Clint! Come in. Ignore my brother. He gets huffy when his meditation is interrupted.”

Clint looks around the room, taking in the meditation mats and smell of incense   Huh?

“I wouldn’t have pegged you for someone who meditates?  I don’t think I’ve ever seen you not fidgeting.”

Pietro glares at him.  “Maybe that is why I am trying to learn to meditate.”

Fair point, Clint thinks.  He realises he doesn’t know how much of the constant buzzing energy Pietro gives off is natural and how much is a by-product of Strucker’s experiments.  His sympathy for the kid shoots up a bit.

Wanda and Pietro are looking at him expectantly.  Oh right, he’s gotta ask the dreaded question.  Despite all his planning and speeches he can’t actually figure out how to start.

Luckily Wanda decides to take matters into her own hands and plucks the problem from his mind, letting out a squeal of delight as she sees what Clint has come to say.

“Pietro!  You have to say yes.  I don’t want to spend the holidays just the two of us again.”

“What? Say yes to what?” 

Pietro looks confused and apparently Wanda wants to hear him say it so Clint decides to rip off the band aid and just blurt it out.

“Will-you-please-spend-Christmas-with-me-and-my-family?”

Pietro actually looks touched.  It’s probably been a long time since he and Wanda had people to share the holidays with.  Clint feels a warm glow settle in his chest at putting that look on Pietro’s face.

Oh, crap.  He forgot to mention the catch.

“Oh and you would have to…pretend-that-we’re-a-couple.”

Pietro’s face falls and he quickly pulls a blank expression on.

“..........We’re Jewish.”

That’s….not a no. Clint can work with that.

“That’s fine.  You don’t have to celebrate the actual day, my ex-wife just wants to meet you.  Well, pretend boyfriend you. “

Pietro and Wanda exchange one of their looks.  The look where you can tell they’re having an entire conversation in their head. Wanda seems to be winning this particular discussion.

“Fine!” Pietro huffs. “But you had better make it worth my while.”

Yes!

“Anything.  Anything you want.  Just, thank you.”

Pietro motions for him to leave and Wanda walks him out.  Her eyes are sparkling as she leans in close and whispers into his ear.  “I am really looking forward to this.”

*

It's Christmas Eve.

The twins have spent the entire day charming the entire Barton clan.

Wanda had made pretty light shows with her powers, usurping Nat as the new favourite Aunt in Lila's eyes. She'd been warm and friendly towards Laura, helping with the cooking and using her powers to lay the table. Everyone had loved her which was no surprise to Clint.

Pietro, though. Clint _definitely_ hadn't seen that coming.

Pietro had been amazing. From the moment they'd arrived at the farm, Clint furiously trying to give him some last minute pointers on how to behave, Pietro had been a dream.

He'd won Laura over with his willingness to chop firewood, enough to see them through the rest of the Winter chopped in a matter of minutes was no problem to someone with super speed.

And the kids? Pietro was incredible with them.

Which was causing all kinds of feelings in Clint.

He had watched in wonder as the usually bratty and arrogant Sokovian let his kids climb all over him. Pietro had gladly spent hours playing touch football with them out in the yard, he'd even gave Cooper a piggy back ride while running as fast as he safely could.

He'd let Lila paint his toenails for god sake.

And don't even get Clint started on how Pietro had been with him.

The soft touches, nothing inappropriate, just the whisper of fingers grazing the small of Clint's back as they stood next to each other. The warm looks, the fondness in his voice as he spun Laura a story of their last date.

Real Pietro was everything that Clint had ever imagined Pretend Pietro to be.

It was killing him.

Especially when Laura pulled him into a hug while Pietro was outside with the kids.

“Honey, I'm so happy for you. You need to not mess this up. He's a keeper.”

Laura had shooed them all to bed not long after dinner. “Trust me” she had explained, “the kids will be up at the crack of dawn looking for their presents, get as much sleep as you can.”

Which left Clint and Pietro staring awkwardly at their bed for the night.

“I can take the floor, I've had worse.” Pietro offers.

Clint suddenly remembers the story he had heard back on the plane. He's not about to let Pietro sleep on his bedroom floor.

“No, take the bed. I've slept in trees, trust me, the floor is no hardship.”

“It's a big bed. We could share?”

God, Clint is tempted. Spending time with Pietro today, seeing him fit so well into Clint's life has been a revelation. Clint is pretty damn sure he's got feelings for the kid. There's nothing he'd love more than to end the day wrapped around him.

Pietro smiles softly. “You did say I could have anything I want.”

“You want this?”

Pietro, sensing Clint's hesitation, grows bolder. “I want you. I - - have you ever thought about why you told Laura that I was the one you were in a relationship with?”

Clint opens his mouth to protest. To explain that Pietro was the only one who made sense.

Except...he could have said Wanda. Or Dr Cho. Or any one of the dozen SHIELD agents he interacted with on a daily basis.

It hits him. Pietro _was_ the only one who made sense. Not because he was the only one available but because the two men just fit somehow.

*

Christmas morning dawns bright and clear.

A sleepy Clint and Pietro shuffle down stairs to watch the kids open their presents, exchanging touches and smiles as they go.

Wanda doesn't say anything. She wouldn't out their previous deception to Laura like that. Both men do, however, hear her quite clearly in their minds.

“Finally.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anonymous asked:
> 
> If you feel like doing a sequel, maybe a part two to The One Where Clint Barton's Life Is Suddenly A Romantic Comedy?

Clint can't quite believe it's been twelve months since his last Christmas had turned into a cheesy romantic comedy. Not even a classy, indie romantic comedy, _that_ he could maybe have lived with, but a _generic, by-the-numbers, fake-relationship, stupid oblivious couple that makes him want to shoot an arrow through someone_ romantic comedy. It could have starred Katherine Heigl for chrissakes.

 

Still, as he watches Pietro finish his morning meditation, the now familiar smell of sandalwood no doubt stinking up the holdall that they would be taking to the Barton farm for the holidays, he has to admit that being Katherine Heigl maybe isn't all that bad.

 

This time last year, Clint had been panicking. Sure that there was no way that Pietro, the _real_ Pietro, could ever live up to the perfect boyfriend that he'd been telling Laura about for the previous eight months. It's maybe the only thing in his life that he's been happy to be proven wrong on.

 

Pretend Pietro has been loving and sexy and loyal and funny and great with kids and looking to settle down. Real Pietro, well Clint was hoping to prove that last point during this trip and then he'd have all the boxes ticked.

 

“You ready to go, old man?”

 

Clint huffs as he catches the carry-all in his stomach, Pietro having evidently finished his morning ritual and burning with the need to get on the road. The past twelve months had added a lot of other traits to that list (snarky and quick-tempered and impatient and reckless and kind of an asshole) and every single one of them just made Clint more sure that it was time to take that next step.

 

He's not sure when exactly his kids accepted Pietro as one of the family, part of him thinks it happened on that first day last year, before the blinders had been lifted from his eyes, but the twin yells of “Uncle Pietro”, as Lila and Cooper ran past him without a second glance to jump all over his boyfriend, filled him with a warm sense of rightness, his right hand twitching protectively over the jewellery pouch hidden in his back pocket.

 

This was the way things were supposed to be. This was the way things should _always_ be. God, he hopes Pietro agrees.

 

The last time they were here for Christmas, Clint had been so on edge, knocked off balance by just how amazing Pietro was with his kids, thrown by every stray touch and smile that had been gifted his way. Despite the fact that they've stayed here dozens of times since then, Clint is all nerves again as he watches Laura embrace Pietro, as he watches Pietro clap Laura's new boyfriend on the arm, talking about the latest soccer (Pietro will never convince him to call it football) game.

 

Laura sees through him, of course she does, she always had, and after shooing the kids and Pietro into the yard, she holds him close and whispers that he has nothing to worry about, that Pietro will say yes, that he'll get the happy-ever-after that he deserves. Clint blames any tears in his eyes on the onions being chopped for the stuffing.

 

As they head up to bed Pietro smiles and reminds him of their first night here. “Can I still get anything I want?” he asks.

 

“Always.”

 

Christmas morning dawns bright and clear.

 

Wanda and Vision fly in after breakfast just in time to watch the kids open their presents. The kids love their Aunt Wanda almost as much as they love Pietro and with the focus of their attention on the newcomers, Clint starts to brood nervously about what he's about to do.

 

“Hey, Dad! You didn't get Uncle Pietro anything! That's not nice.” Lila's disbelieving and disappointed tone snaps him from his thoughts.

 

“Don't worry Lils,” Pietro ruffles his fingers through Lila's hair. “Remember we spoke about me and Wanda being Jewish? We don't celebrate Christmas like you guys do. Your Dad doesn't need to get me a Christmas present.”

 

“But I got you a present, does that mean that you don't like it?” Lila's bottom lip is starting to tremble and Pietro pulls her into his lap for a hug.

 

“I love your present. This is the best drawing I have ever seen and it's going to go on the wall with all of the other amazing gifts you've given me as soon as me and your Dad get home.” Pietro drops a soft kiss on her head and pulls out his cell phone to show Lila the photos he's taken of all the drawings she's sent them and how he'd framed them all and how they had pride of place on the wall of their sitting room back in New York.

 

The picture the two of them make as they sit there, Pietro cheering Lila out of a funk, deftly avoiding a tantrum, the genuine love and closeness between two of the most important people in his life has Clint reaching wildly for his pocket, where the ring has been burning a hole.

 

“Actually,” he clears his throat, “I did get a present for you.”

 

All eyes swing towards him and Vision has to clap a purple hand over Wanda's mouth to contain her squeals of delight at the sight of Clint dropping to one knee and holding out a plain, platinum band.

 

“Pietro Django Maximoff”, Clint begins, stopping only to raise his eyebrows at a giggling Cooper. Hell, he didn't blame the kid; Django was a pretty funny name.

 

“I never saw you coming.” he continues and pauses again to relish in the surprised laugh that fell from Pietro's mouth at the stupid catchphrase that defined the early days of their acquiantance. “You snuck up on me and not many people can do that. Somehow, in the past twelve months, you've set up a home in my heart and it's got to the point that I can't even imagine my life without you. Do you...Will you...” Despite the long practices in the mirror, Clint can't find the words for this last part, the important part and eventually just blurts out, “Wanna marry me?”

 

It's like the room holds it's breath until a little elbow nudges at Pietro's ribs and a loud whispered voice urges “Say yes.”

 

Clint blinks stupidly down at Lila who is still on Pietro's lap and staring up at the speedster with a petulant little look on her face that says that if he doesn't say Yes to her Daddy right now then he's never getting another picture drawn for him again.

 

Pietro gently picks Lila up and sets her on the floor before pulling Clint towards him by the collar of his ridiculous Christmas sweater. “Of course, yes, old man.” Pietro answers with a smile before crashing their lips together.

 

It's the best Christmas Clint could ever imagine.

 

Just one tiny little thing....

 

“So..” Laura has pulled him into the kitchen hours later on the excuse of needing a hand with the wine bottle. “Want to explain why that lovely little speech of yours this morning kept talking about how wonderful the past twelve months were when you told me that you and Pietro have been together since the April before that?”

 

“Uh.....”

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on [tumblr](http://pietrolovesclint.tumblr.com)


End file.
